Naruto: Ten Idiotic Ways to Die
by DoodleMonstah
Summary: How would have Sakura have felt if she hit him on the head one day just a bit too hard... And caused a life threatening concussion? What if Jiraiya had unwittingly killed Naruto when he threw him off the cliff? What if he had fallen off the hokage monument during his prank? Chapter 1: Death by Sakura. Ranges from serious to ridiculously funny.
1. Chapter 1: Death by Sakura

**-Naruto: Ten Idiotic Ways to Die-**

How would have Sakura have felt if she hit him in the head one day just a bit too hard... And caused a life threatening concussion? What if Jiraiya had unwittingly killed Naruto when he threw him off the cliff? What if he had fallen off the hokage monument during his prank? Chapter 1: Death by Sakura

**_The different stories will range from being completely serious, to being ridiculously funny._**

**-Chapter 1: Death by Sakura-**

(Set after Sasuke left, before Naruto left with Jiriyah)

"HEY SAKURA-CHAAAN!" Naruto exclaimed loudly.

Sakura's eye twitched. She had been fighting with her mom again, and to top it off, Kakashi and Naruto were BOTH late for training. Kakashi being late for training was understandable, but Naruto?

"YOU'RE LATE!" She yelled loudly, bashing him over the head with her fist.

Naruto rubbed his head painfully. "But Sakuraaaa, Kakashi would have been late anyways," he complained.

"IDIOT!" She yelled loudly, smashing his fist against his scull. But this time, she had punched a tiny tad harder than usual, and had punched his head in such a way...

When the dust cleared, Naruto was in the middle of a crater, rubbing his head in pain. Dazed, Naruto could taste something metallic.

After Naruto had not gotten up after a minute passed by, Sakura started panicking, wondering if she had hit Naruto too hard.

"Hey, Naruto... are you OK?" Sakura asked. But her concern was short lived, because only a second later, Naruto got up and plastered a grin on his face.

"Yah, I'm fine Sakura, nothing to worry about, heh, heh!" Naruto exclaimed, rubbing his head and biting his lip in pain. The grin on his face seemed to flicker slightly, as if he were fighting to keep it on his face.

It was then Kakashi arrived, and at this, Sakura pointed at Kakashi and yelled, "YOU'RE LATE, KAKASHI SENSEI!"

Kakashi raised a brow at Naruto, who usually would have yelled the same. But instead Naruto was simply looking down at the floor, rubbing his head painfully.

Kakashi quickly dismissed the absurdity, and said, " Oh? I was stuck on the road of life... There was a chicken there that nearly got run over..."

"DID NOT!" Sakura yelled. Kakashi once again looked at Naruto, expecting him to react similarly, but Naruto just stood there looking down with his hair covering his face.

Kakashi started to talk. "Naru-"

Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by Naruto coughing up blood.

"Naruto?!" Kakashi asked in a panic. Why was Naruto coughing out blood? Was he injured?

"Hehh, hehh, donth worryy imm finne," Naruto said, his words slurring together. "Imm gonnah be hokagge..."

And with that, the edges around Naruto's vision started turning black and with a thunk, Naruto fell to the floor.

"Naruto!" Sakura and Kakashi exclaimed. Kakashi quickly picked up Naruto's body and started running him to the hospital.

But even with Tsunade, Shizune, and Naruto's incredibly fast healing, Naruto ended up dying.

And so, Tsunade lost yet another precious person who's dream was to be hokage. Once again, the blue crystal necklace was returned to her.

Kakashi had lost yet another one of his comrads who he had sworn to protect. He had lost yet another student.

And Sakura had murdered her only teammate left. And so, with only herself to blame, she started to cry uncontrollably. She never became Tsunade's apprentice, no, Tsunade would not even look at Sakura after what she did.

And all of this happened because Sakura had decided it was OK to punch people, as long as their name was Naruto.

**xxXxx**

_**A/N** And that was Chapter One: Death by Sakura._

_Naruto got killed by a cherry blossom._

_Both ridiculous and depressing, I know. _

_But honestly, the way she just hits people (Well, Naruto) is disgusting. I mean, who goes around smashing people's heads like its normal? (Ah, who am I to complain, the sadist half of me thinks it's hilarious...)_

_And the next Chapter will be: Death by _Jiraiya_!_

_So follow, fav, review!_

**^-^ !**

**DOODLEMONSTAH!**


	2. Chapter 2: Death by Jiraiya

Hello! And here is chapter two of **_Ten Idiotic ways to Die_**!

**-Chapter 2: Death by Jiraiya-**

"So, Naruto, have you ever tried to use your 'red' chakra, as you call it?" Jiraiya asked Naruto intently.

Naruto squinted his eyes. Hmm... Think Naruto, think!

After a while of thinking, Naruto grinned and said...

"I forgot!"

Jiraiya pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. This was getting nowhere.

"Oh, wait a second!" Naruto exclaimed. "Each time, I was in a near-death situation!"

Naruto closed his eyes and crossed his arms, nodding wisely.

"Ah, that has to be it!" Jiraiya thought. "In order to reach his 'red' chakra, he has to be in a life threatening position!"

And so, that was when he got his GENIUS idea to throw Naruto off a cliff.

**xxXxx**

As Naruto happily devoured the ramen Jiraiya was treating him, he wondered why Jiraiya was giving him all these nice things.

"Tell me, Naruto," the toad sage was saying, "if you had to do something before you died, what would it be?"

Naruto squinted his eyes and crossed his arms while he thought. "Um... Go on a date with a girl, I geuss..."

Startling the blonde, Jiraiya grabbed his collar and and they started running towards Team Seven's training ground.

"EHH? Where we going, pervy sage?"

"You're going to ask a girl on a date!"

**xxXxx**

Naruto stood nervously in front of Sakura, and looked to the bushes where Jiraiya was giving him a thumbs up and wiggling his eyebrows.

Hesitantly, he asked Sakura, "Eh... Will you go on a date with me, Sakura-chan?"

"NO, YOU PERVERT!

"Oww!"

Rubbing his head, Naruto trudged back to Jiraiya.

"Well, that went well!" Jiraiya commented enthusiastically.

**xxXxx**

"So is this some sort of training?!" Naruto asked excitedly as they stood on a bridge overlooking a huge pit.

"Yep, it's gonna help you use your red chakra," Jiraiya announced.

"Really?! How?!" Naruto was jumping up and down in excitement.

"Like this." And with that, Jiraiya threw Naruto off a cliff.

As Naruto flew through the air, he felt shocked that Jiraiya would do such a thing. Then he realised something.

"AGGHH! IM GONNA DIE!"

Desperately Naruto tried to use chakra to stuck to the walls of the pit, but it was to no avail.

And with a splat, Naruto fell to the bottom.

"Uh... " Jiraiya stared down at the orange splat at the bottom of the pit.

Jiraiya's eye's widened, finally realizing what he had just done.

Jiraiya had just killed his student! Oh no... The hokage was gonna kill him! Aghh... This was bad, this was bad! Not only had he just killed a genin of the hidden leaf, but he had killed the genin of the hidden leaf who was the jinchuuriki! The JINCHUURIKI of all people!

Suddenly a prophecy came to mind. "You will teach a student that will either bring peace or destruction to this world..." And with that, he got a churning feeling in his stomach. What if he had just killed... The chosen one? AWW MAN, THE WORLD's GONNA DIE!

And worst of all... Jiraiya had just killed Minato and Kushina's son! He had destroyed the legacy if the fourth's! He had just killed his godson!

A chill ran down his back.

KUSHINA WAS GONNA KILL HIM!

First the hokage would kill him, and then in the afterlife, then Kushina would kill him, over and over and over again!

He froze, thinking how scary her temper was.

And so, the perverted toad sannin ran away, screaming, "AGGHH! IM GONNA DIE!"

**xxXxx**

_**A/N**__ WAHAHAHA! Naruto's death, number two!_

_Heh heh, good ol' Jiraiya..._

_And to 'guest'... Death by tsunade... Genius, my friend! I'll use it in a later Chapter! :)_

_**Next up: A prank gone wrong!**_

_So follow, fav, review!_

**^-^ !**

**DOODLEMONSTAH!**


	3. Chapter 3: Prank Gone Wrong

_I was going to post yesterday, but forgot, so today I will post a DOUBLE update! (Cheers!)_

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

**-Chapter 3: Prank Gone Wrong-**

As Naruto looked down at the city of Konoha, only one thought went through his head.

He'd show them! He'll show them all!

Angry at the world who ignored him, Naruto wanted his revenge.

And what better way to show them all than with an orange paint bucket?

Naruto startled to chuckle evilly to himself as he started to make quick work of the hokage monuments. He would be better than all of these hokage combined! But as he was adding the finishing touches, suddenly a voice shouted out, startling him.

"NARRUUTTTOOO! WHAT IN KAMI'S NAME ARE YOU DOING UP THERE!"

Naruto turned around to throw a taunt back, only to lose his footing.

"AHHHHHHH!-" he screamed as he tumbled down the hokage monument, bumping into every rock possible, before landing in front of the jounin in an orange-

Splat.

The jounin was shocked as he looked at the orange splat at his feet. Oh, Kami, what had he done?! First day as jounin, and he accidentally killed a kid? THIS kid no less?!

He tried to shape the orange goo back into the shape of the kid. "HEY LOOK! GOOD AS NEW!" He was shouting loudly as he panicked over the mess of orange goo. "LOOK! ALL BETTER, SEE?!"

**xxXxx**

Meanwhile, Naruto laughed evilly while holding a now-empty orange paint bucket.

HA. He showed them. He showed them all.

Jounin were just so gullible these days.

**xxXxx**

_**A/N **__heh, that threw you through the loop, didn't it?_

_A well placed shadow clone and some orange paint, and you've got yourself the trademarked "orange splat."_

_Next up: Death by... Paper work. _

_(DUN DUN DUNNNNNN...)_


	4. Chapter 4: Death by Paperwork

**Disclaimer: idontownnaruto!**

**-Chapter 4: Death by Paper Work-**

Naruto adjusted the tip of his hat as he walked towards his office. Yes... After years of dreaming to become hokage, it had finally become true! After all these years, he was finally acknowledged and respected by all in the village, and known as the proud leader of Konoha. Naruto, the sixth hokage!

He should have known it was too good to be true.

Immediately after becoming Hokage, he was instantly flooded with paper work. Apparently the last hokage had been a few days behind. He sighed as he continued walking towards his office.

"Time for paperwork!" He yelled with mock enthusiasm, ignoring the startled reaction of his secretary. "Because everyone LOVES paperwork! Paper work is JUST THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD!"

He walked up to his office door, and flung it open, only to have an avalanche of paper fall through the door on top of him.

The paperwork avalanche burst into the halls, burying Naruto up over head.

"Aaaghh!" He gave a startled cry. "WHERE DID ALL OF THIS COME FROM?!"

Naruto tried to swim out of the paperwork, trying to break the surface for a breath. When he finally reached the top, he started panting for his well-needed breath.

Naruto stared at the ocean of paper in absolute horror, before a look of firm determination swept on his face. He glared at the paperwork.

"Hah. Challenge accepted."

**xxXxx**

Naruto glared at the paperwork before him, his hands in position to make some jutsu.

"ANY LAST WORDS?!" He defiantly yelled at the paper.

After no response from the paperwork, Naruto nodded while smirking. "HA! THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED BY YOU, VILE BEAST!"

His hands flew as he made some seals. "SHADOW CLONE NO JUTSU!"

Naruto smirked as ten clones popped into existence. He would make more, but his office was stuffed as it was. Really, he wondered why he was the first to think this up. He wondered why the other hokage didn't do this. HA, he was probably just genius!

**xxXxx**

As some of his clones dispersed, mumbling about a headache, he started to realize why the other hokage never used clones for paperwork.

Doing paperwork normally gave you a headache. And it is a well known fact that shadow clones transferred the memories of the clones to the actual user. But Naruto had discovered that shadow clones also transfer headaches.

So now Naruto had a headache amplified ten times worse than a normal headache.

Naruto groaned as he stared at all the paperwork remaining.

"One thousand, three hundred and twenty six done, and three thousand nine hundred and twenty four to go." Naruto said dejectedly.

Drip.

Drip.

Naruto stared in surprise at the puddle of blood on the floor. We're those... Paper cuts? How did he possibly manage to get so many?! Was this even possible?!

A low growl escaped his throat. There was no way he was letting this thing defeat him, headache or not!

"I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP YET!" He roared at the ferocious beast.

Making yet another ten clines, all of the clones wildly started to read, sort and sign paper, ignoring the pounding headaches and the paper cuts that continued gathering on his clothes and skin, dripping blood on to the floor and paper.

By now the hidden ANBU started to become worried by the smell of blood, but didn't come out if their hiding places, as they were not ordered to.

The clones with the headaches didn't last long. And the dispelled clones seemed to have a stacking effect. And if he had ten clones, who each had a headache amplified by ten, then that would mean his current headache would be amplified by... Ugh... His head hurt too much to do the math.

Black splotches began to cover Naruto's vision, and he stumbled a bit, before collapsing on the floor. Lying on the ground, he panted a bit, glaring at the paperwork.

"You are an admirable foe." He said with respect. "But I still cannot allow you to succeed."

With determination, he started crawling and dragging his body to the last stack of paper leaving behind the trail of blood of his papercuts. He would be hokage! And if paperwork is what he needed to do to be hokage, he would do it!

He looked surprised as he heard one of his ANBU speak up, apparently concerned about the way he was using his clones. Honestly, he had almost forgot the ANBU were there, as quiet as they were. "Do you need any assistance, Naruto-hokage?"

Naruto thought about it amidst his throbbing headache, before declining it. "This is something I must defeat by myself, if I am to be hokage," he said with determination and a slight wince.

The voice didn't seem sure, but who was he to disobey the hokage's orders? "Yes, sir."

Silence filled the room, except for Naruto's laboured breathing.

Breath in.

Breath out.

Page flip.

In.

Out.

Next page.

In...

...

Out...

Wheeze...

He was starting to feel lightheaded through the lack of blood. And he could barely think for all his head hurt. All he knew was an explosion of pain in his scull.

Wheeze...

Last...

Page..

Naruto watched the black covered his entire vision, faintly hearing shocked worried voices around him. "Medic-nin!" He heard from far away! "Fast! Th.. Kage! Uncons.. He's..."

"Vile beast... you have defeated me..." He mumbled under his breath.

And so, the sixth hokage had a brave and gallery defeat, won by the ultimate enemy... Paperwork.

**xxXxx**

_Many people think they solved the problem when they say, "oh, just use shadow clones on paperwork!"_

_These people don't know how scary paper work is._

_BWAHAHAHA!_

_What's up next... Is a secret..._

_Follow, Fav, Review!_

_**-DOODLEMONSTAH!**_


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